Paranormal Conspiracies #2: Alan Rickman is GOD

I may not make it through this entire post. From what I can understand, the Archangels are on their way to erase my hard drive, so I will try to tell you all that I know in what little time I have.

Some people tend to believe that God really is on Earth disguised as a human being. No, I am not making that up. Google it. ::whistles and runs away::

Well, if that were true, I think I have it figured out as to which individual God is disguised as...

Alan mf'n Rickman!

This is perhaps the biggest conspiracy EVER.

- He plays huge homicidal assholes with a touch of class better than anyone can.

Let us face it, how many people did God kill in the bible, yet people still believed in him and worshiped him? Many of Alan Rickman's acting roles are the same way.

Hans Gruber in Die Hard. The man managed to break into skyscraper building, kidnap 50 hostages, fight off a fighter tank, a SWAT team, blow up the roof (destroying an FBI helicopter in the process), and rob the building of its riches. Granted, he got stopped by Bruce Willis, but even God can't stop Bruce Willis from doing what the fuck he wants (He's a poor man's Chuck Norris).

Sheriff of Nottingham in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. You know the story of Robin Hood. In this interpretation of Robin Hood, Alan Rickman is once again the best thing in the movie... then again, this is a movie starring Kevin Costner. :: shudders ::

However, once in awhile God likes to broaden his horizons, and played a man who was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. I am sure Michael and the other Archangels got a good laugh out of that one.

- God was in a book, so naturally he would want to do roles based on other works...

God has played some prominent roles in "God-like Literary Works"

Tybalt from Romeo & Juliet
Sheriff Nottingham from Robin Hood
Judge Turpin from Sweeney Todd
Severus Snape from Harry Potter
Marvin the Paranoid Android from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

- He was casted as The Metatron in Dogma...

Naturally, Alan Rickman would star in movies about God. Obviously, if Alan Rickman played himself in the film, it would give the big conspiracy away!

On a side note, I am also sure God was trying to get as many inside jokes as he could about The Metatron, but we'd probably have to be up in heaven to get them.

- If God was white and had a voice, I am pretty sure it would be Alan Rickman's

Seriously, Alan Rickman is the only man to have both a dopey and suave voice at the exact same time. Who else can actually do that? Nobody, but I am sure God could since he can do anything, so naturally he would want to pick the two opposite types of voices and put them together.

Now, if God was black and a had a voice, he'd be James Earl Jones, but that's another topic for another day.

If you want to try to poke holes in my story, go ahead, but I will fight to the death that Alan Rickman really is God disguised as a human being! That is all for today's edition of Paranormal Conspiracies!