Ridiculous Wedding Expenses & Traditions

(Free Floating Hostility #22)

Welcome everybody to the 22nd edition of the Internet's favorite rage column. Welcome everybody to Free Floating Hostility! This is where RJ rants about Today's Culture Items That He is Bored of, Tired of, or Pissed At!

As many of my readers know, I got married on May 24, 2008! WOO HOO!

After all of that damn wedding planning, I finally got inspired to write some wedding rants. Nobody is safe!

100 Thank Yous - You got to thank people in what seems like 100 different ways. For your wedding party, you have to buy them a dinner the night before the wedding AND buy them each a gift as a thank you. The priest has to say thank you to the guests and you have to thank the priest for doing the wedding. The couple has to go by the table and say thank you to everybody.

Then, the couple has to turn around and write very specific thank you notes that also cost some money. After awhile, wouldn't you think that the thank you is understood?! As a guest, I certainly would!

Fuck, I am thanking them that out of all the schmucks out there, they invited this one to be a part of the greatest day of their life! I agree with Jerry Seinfeld when he said "I am taking a stand against all of this over thanking!"

We should all take a stand too, instead of being Thank You Whores!

Fish as Center Pieces - Did you know that they sell Betta Fish as centerpieces for weddings? Neither did I, but apparently they do! Another fantastic way of scamming people out of money. Yeah, just sell people fish that are all going to die in a week, that you have to feed with food that you have to buy, and you have to keep in separate containers because otherwise they will FUCKING KILL EACH OTHER!

That's right Betta Fish, also known as "Siamese Fighting Fish" fucking kill each other, especially the males.

Then, what are you going to do with the rest of the fish after the fucking wedding is over? My solution is after the reception to stick them all in one bowl, and start take drunken bets on Last Fish Swimming Contest. That would seem like the sensible and humane thing to do.

Either that, or feed them to the cat.

Extravagantly Expensive and Ridiculous Invitations - What the fuck is up with this shit? You pay anywhere from as little as $500 to thousands of dollars for invitations. People... it is fucking pieces of paper with fancy fonts that invite people to your wedding that at least 70% of them are going to throw away, anyway! People don't need this fancy shit.
Printing out invitations on a decent printer using cool stationary purchased at your local stationary store is all you need... not this shit!

Bridesmaid Dresses - I don't even pay for these, but this is just ridiculous and I feel bad for the parties involved. The bridesmaids generally have to pay a buttload of money for their dresses that they will only wear once, and they don't even like the way they look in them! They get little to no say in it, as well! What is up with that?! The Groom's side at least isn't stuck with a tuxedo that won't fit them in a year.

Flowers - In the wedding, everybody needs a fucking flower, but no one can make a convincing argument as to why everyone needs a fucking flower other than "YOU JUST DO CAUSE THAT IS WHAT YOU DO AT WEDDINGS."

My Groomsmen will be fine with out a boutineer or whatever. My Grandfather is going to a okay without a flower. Fuck, the church itself is pretty well decorated without flowers. So, for the love of god, stop it with this damn shit!

But no, we ending up spending most of the damn money in the wedding on useless flowers that are going to die in a week anyway!Ultimately, the bride is about the only person that needs flowers and everyone else can live without them. End of story (until some smart ass comes along and corrects me).

10. The Alcohol
9. The Groom's Tux and Bride's Wedding Dress
8. The Guests
7. The Facility to Hold the Reception In
6. The Church/Chapel/Backyard to Hold the Ceremony In
5. The Music
4. The Food at the Reception
3. The Priest/Pastor/Celebrant
2. The Rest of the Wedding Party
1. The Bride & Groom

TILL NEXT TIME!

RJ45