A Rant on Parents Who Intentionally Give Their Kids Dumb Fucking Names

Is it just me, or are the names that some parents are giving their kids in America are actually getting progressively worse?

Celebrities started the trend with such great names as Tu, Pilot, Moon Unit, and Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily. However, parents who aren't celebrities are starting to follow suit. And no, I am not talking about African-Americans who name their kids Shaniqua or Towanna, so get out of that mindset already.

I am talking about parents who name their kids THINGS.

For one, a relative of mine named their kid "Blaze." What kind of a dumb fucking name is "Blaze?" Is he some kind of a race horse? Is he going to set us all a BLAZE! BUWAHAHAHAHA!

Sorry, that was dumb, but guess what... that's going to happen pretty much every week for the rest of his life unless he gets a name change.

Other names I have heard recently: Extra (CHEESE!), Kite (You can fly me around on your string any day), Jimson (What the fuck?), Bark (RUFF RUFF!), Peaches (AND CREAM!), Tequila (Future AA Leader), Honda (ACCORD!), Denim (You mean like the jacket?!), Houston (YEE HAW!), Kilroy (DOMO ARIGATO MISTER ROBOTO!), and Zaley (What the fuck?).

Now, my comments may seem immature, but that is because that is exactly what the kid is going to hear when they say their name.

Real names include: Jacob, Joshua, John, Ryan, Robert, Aaron, Steve, Jennifer, Stacy, Lindsey, Cheryl, Katie, Pamela, Karen, and many others are real names in America.

Obviously they are different in each culture, but I wouldn't be surprised if they experience their share of dumb fucking names..

I mean, I feel horrible for these kids who have to walk around with these names on the playground.

"Well, that shouldn't matter. Kids will like my kid for who he is. This will help him/her stand out!"

Bullshit. That first day of school when the teacher calls out their name, the kids are going to giggle at the name... and then that kid is probably never going to be taken seriously AGAIN. Up until about the age of 17, no kid wants to stand out. They want to fit in.

Also, who ends up doing most of the school shootings? The outcast.

Now, I am not saying that naming your kid Beef Stew is going to mean he will unleash a hellish massacre that would make Jason Vorhees blush when he is 13 years old, but the therapy bills do cost a butt load of money. Hope you got good insurance!

Plus, imagine actually putting these names on job applications and resumes! Imagine this scenario...

An executive is hiring someone to be head of public relations. He has three resumes in hand. One of them is a guy named Ricky Perez. Another is a girl named Lisa Johnson. The third one is a mystery gender person named Pixie Dust Banana Sutherland. Guess which one is getting eliminated first?

Why? Because nobody wants a person named Pixie Dust Banana to answer to the public for a company. So give your kids a name they can put on their career on!

I am here to profess today that I will NOT give my future kids dumb fucking names.

Venezeula appears to have the right idea, too: http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?in_article_id=64558&in_page_id=2

And perhaps you should too. This may be America and we may be free to name our kids anything we want to, but think about what is best for your child before you decide to give your kid a dumb fucking name.