Free Floating Hostility XX - Commercials #3

Welcome everybody to the 20th edition of the Internet's favorite rage column. Welcome everybody to Free Floating Hostility! This is where RJ rants about Today's Culture Items That He is Bored of, Tired of, or Pissed At! 

This is going to be part three of my "Annoying Commercials" series where I cover Starburst, RePhresh, and some Online Dating Ads. AAAGGHHH!!!

Years ago, writing an online rant about commercials was a little difficult in respects to those who may have not seen the commercial. However, with the wonderful age that is YouTube, writing these rants are so much easier. If you haven't seen it, just click to watch the vid right here!

Now, onto the fun!

Berries & Cream - Oh....my.... GOD. Here is a commercial for Berries & Cream flavored Starburst. In comes this Leprechaun who approaches these two guys eating Starburst. The Madrigal says "Pardon me, but are those new Berries and Cream Starburst?"

They say "Yes."

Then, the Elf starts doing a little dance and repeatedly screaming "BERRIES & CREAM! BERRIES! BERRIES & CREAM! I WANT SOMETHING GOOD TO EAT! BERRIES & CREAM! BERRIES & CREAM! I WANT SOMETHING GOOD TO EAT!  I WANT MY BERRIES AND CCRRREEEEAAAAMMM!"

The first time I saw this, I thought it was a little funny. It was cute. A little bit on the British side, humor-wise. However, the second time I saw this commercial, I realized that I was going to be stuck with this piece of crap for the next six fucking months. I have seen this commercial close to thirty times now, and I have this to plead to commercial creators...

STOP DOING ANNOYING COMMERCIALS AND STOP TRYING TO BE BRITISH! You're not funny as them. You can't be them! The British is in a class of themselves. So stop it, or you will personally receive one shovel hitting you directly in the face, where you shall then be thrown into an iron maiden for the rest of your natural life!

RePhresh - What the hell people? What the hell?

I don't have a problem with feminine hygiene products, obviously. I don't have a problem purchasing them for the beautiful woman that I love. Okay, so before I get heckled, BAM! There ya go!

But do we really need to say "refresh" 800 times in one fucking commercial? Hell, try a random Monday Law & Order marathon where this commercial comes during every god damn break, and then you will understand just how crazy this piece of shit makes me!

Rejected By eHarmony (Chemistry.com) - I think these people have the worst sales pitch ever. A bunch of people get rejected from one site, so the leftovers go to this website, Chemistry. What the fuck?

Yes, I am sure that eHarmony rejected some people who are perfectly fine, but that still doesn't fucking matter! If I, hypothetically, wanted to go to a personals website, I don't want to go to one that indirectly says "Hey, come where all the rejects, hoodlums, druggies, felons, raging psychopaths, and miscellaneous here at Chemistry.com!"

In the end, I don't care about the fact you got rejected by eHarmony. Nobody cares, not even your momma.

Well, that does it for this edition! Till next time, people!

RJ45