10 Random Annoying Things About Christmas

Welcome everybody to the 22nd edition of the Internet's favorite rage column. Welcome everybody to Free Floating Hostility! This is where RJ rants about Today's Culture Items That He is Bored of, Tired of, or Pissed At!

About a year ago, LifeBecomesArt treated us to her 10 Annoying Things About Christmas, so I thought I would treat you my own 10 Random Annoying Things About Christmas.

First, before we get into this list, does anybody agree with me that its a little ironic that the song "12 Pains of Christmas," a song about annoying Christmas cliches, is becoming an annoying Christmas cliche? Just a thought for you all.

Now, onto my Top 10!

For a holiday about giving, a lot of people have certainly became selfish over the years. Me, I could care less if I get a single gift these days. Now, if people are grateful and surprised, I'm all about the gift giving. But if I get people who are like "You got me the wrong one" or "That's it. That's all you got me," your face will meet my best friend, my fist.

9. People Who Are Worried About Their Gifts More Than What it is All About

We are spending time with our loved ones, and there are people who seem to be more worried about the fact they got the wrong kind of iPod.

8. Christmas Carol Parodies

How many parodies of 12 Days of Christmas are we going to get before somebody comes to the realization that the whole Carol parodies thing is tired and has been played out?

7. Too Much Damn Pressure To Be Happy

Everybody has to be happy on that day and nobody can be fucking human? Why? BECAUSE IT IS CHRISTMAS! You can't argue with somebody. You can't fight with somebody. Even the slightest hint of unpleasantry will "ruin Christmas" and you go into extreme depression. If it goes off without a hitch, you get fake results. Unfortunately, we just can't capture that Full House Christmas Special that we try so hard for every year.

6. Political Correctness

Forget "Season's Greetings." Forget "Winter Festival."

It is fucking Christmas. Get over it.

I know people of other religions who aren't offended when they are told to have a Merry Christmas. Why should they be? Its not a matter of us NOT acknowledging their religion. It's us wishing them to have a good day. NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.

If someone wishes me a Happy Yule or Happy Chanukah's, I'm cool with that. So let us can it with the over-sensitivity crap.

If you feel the need to be correct, I will give "Happy Holidays" the okay...

5. Wrapping Paper

While I like to unwrap gifts, I hate the aftermath. There's wrapping paper everywhere! The tape and part of the wrapping paper will stick to you. You spend hours still uncovering more wrapping paper, and that's just the beginning!

Even worse, wrapping gifts is a fucking bitch! Who came up with this shit? Wrapping 20 or so gifts in a row? It is a fucking pain. What the fuck, people? WHAT THE FUCK?

All I have to do is now just give props to gift bags!

4. Psychotic Shoppers

All I have to say is thank fucking god for eBay and Amazon, otherwise I think Armageddon would actually had been initiated during a Christmas shopping season.

3. Talking Toy Dolls

Ever since Tickle Me f'n Elmo, we have been treated over the past decade to thousands of Talking dolls ranging from Sesame Street to Drunk Santa Clause.

These toys are very annoying. Even more annoying whenever someone subjects someone else to it all day long. For the love of god, stop it with the god damn talking dolls! Even worse, people, stop buying them!

2. The Christmas Story on 24/7

How many fucking times do I have to subjected the god damn The Christmas Story before I finally decide to shoot my own fucking eye out. Every year, we get to see the kid learn to always drink his Ovaltine. Every year, we get to see the scary Santa Clause. Every year, the father gets the leg lamp. Every year, the kid nearly eats soap. Every year, the kid's tongue gets stuck to the pole (which by the way, could have probably been easily taken care with some warm water).

I hated this movie back then, and I still fucking hate it now. Its not really all that funny. We don't need 48 hours straight of that lame shit.

1. People Who Want a "White Christmas"

I hate snow, to begin with. People who live in areas without snow, trust me, you aren't missing much. It takes forever to melt. It gives you frostbite. It takes forever to clean off your car, and the roads are dangerous as all can get out. It sucks.

So, you hear people saying "I really want it to snow, but just for that day. It is just not Christmas without snow."

Oh shut the fuck up, people! There has been hundreds of years in thousands of locations where people had a Merry Christmas without snow. If you want snow, be sure to come by my place and clean off my fucking car and salt the roads for me while you are at it.

1. Seeing people's reactions to the gifts I purchased them, provided they aren't selfish about it.

2. Being with my family, even if the mood sucks. I cherish every moment with them.

3. Christmas miracles. They do happen and have happened to me in the past.

4. Christmas carols, believe it or not. I also like a good modern Christmas hit such as "Happy X-Mas (The War is Over)" by John Lennon and "December Snow" by The Moody Blues.

5. Donating to charity and helping out is a very rewarding experience. I'd like to help out at a soup kitchen on Christmas at some point in my life.

6. Well decorated houses. They are a lot of fun. Its cheap and fun entertainment to drive through a neighborhoods and looking at all of the hard work people put in their yards.

7. Christmas dinner! It helps that turkey is one of my favorite food groups.

8. I hate snow, but I do like a well done snow man.

9. Jesus is my lord and savior, so naturally this being a celebration of his birthday and all, he would have to make an appearance here.

10. Christmas treats such as those cool pretzels and Christmas cookies.

So see, I ain't no Scrooge. :-D

RJ45