Customer Support Best of November 2007

WARNING: The following newsletter may contain profane language. If you are offended by such language, don't read this. Delete it!

    Welcome to the November 2007 edition of everybody's favorite Customer Support Best Of newsletter!

    THIS MONTH IS EXCITING. WE ARE NOT ONLY SPANNING JUST THE ONE CABLE COMPANY. WE NOW HAVE TWO CABLE COMPANIES CONTRIBUTING!

 This newsletter basically highlights the best (best meaning worst) situation that we experienced while doing Customer Service. It is open to any call center, website, company, job, etc that involves you and a customer (whether internal or external) So if you got a buddy who does customer service somewhere else, that person's submissions are always welcome.

    Just as a reminder, the newsletter censors customers information, and does not supply any potential privacy invasive information. I am basically doing my best to avoid breaking the ethical rules in which we are all bound by. Hey, the materials provided in and of themselves are pretty damn hilarious.

Here was the best of November:

SITUATIONS, NOTES, & TICKETS

That is it, I am sick and tired of these motherfucking snakes in this motherfucking insulation!

Dispatch call to stop port.  Tech found snakes in the insulation of her house. They were hibernating for winter. Customer was so upset about snakes she did care about the phone and would call back at later date  for phone install

I need help, you nosey nose man!

Customer called in with issues with long distance service. In order to track issue, I asked for an example for us to look up in our system. She told me "None of your business" and hung up.

WHOOPS...

Customer got sort of smart mouthed when I told her about her bill with the Pay-Per View movies. She said she had not ordered any movies that she was the only person to happen that knew the password on her digital boxes. She then tells another lady that her husband probably did this and she even told me that I might see the news tonight with her husband being bald headed or even sleeping in the street tonight...
 
Haha... OWNED!

Customer called to cancel order. Asked for the reason why and she said we didn't need a reason for her to cancel her install order.

SITUATION OF THE MONTH

Customer had a problem with getting somebody else's voicemail. After a ticket was submitted on this a few days ago, the customer realized that the other voicemail she was getting was from an answering machine that she bought at a yard sale and forgot to erase the previous messages that were on it. ... ... ... ... ...

THE CONVERSATIONS

RED = MUTE COMMENTS

Bad Luck All Around

REP: Is Mary or john there?
CUST: This is Mary, john is deceased
REP: ... ... ... ... ... ... ... sorry
CUST: That’s ok
REP: Your order was rejected for your number being listed as a business
CUST: It is a business but I am going out of business later this year and I will call back when is a residential phone.
REP: .... .... ... ... ... Ok, have a nice day!

Technician of the Month/Year/Century/Millenium

CUST: I have service with you people that I didn't agree to!
REP: I see you were scheduled for a tech, this was your 5th reschedule.
CUST: Yes, but I wasn't home!
REP: I don't understand.
CUST: I wasn't home yet I have cable with you people now! I didn't agree to this!
REP: Anyone in your house can sign the work order for you ma'am. If there's a problem with the service you have...
CUST: NO! I LIVE ALONE! THE TECH BROKE INTO MY HOUSE AND INSTALLED MY CABLE!
:: Calls tech and explains the accusations ::
TECH:  Hey, the door was open. I was tired of waiting on her. She got her cable didn't she?

Going Higher and Higher...

TECH: The modem won't power up
REP: I'm not sure what you want from me.
TECH: I dunno...
REP: EVIL MODEM TUUUURN ON! FEEL THE POWER OF TIER! *splashes holy water on modem*

Sometimes you are better off NOT asking...

:: Dispatcher #1 finishes conversation with tech ::
DISPATCHER #1: I need a tech accident report.
DISPATCHER #2: OK, anything under $500 goes on the green paper, anything under $1000 goes on the yellow.
:: Dispatcher #1 over to the accident reports, pauses, turns back to the other dispatcher::
DISPATCHER #1: How much do you think it costs to get a tech's van out of someone's pool?

4th of July... Arbor Day... SAME DIFFERENCE!

REP: We can follow up on the 22nd
CSR: That's thanksgiving
REP: No it's not
CSR: ... Yes. It is.
REP: No thanksgiving is ALWAYS on the 25th
CSR: You're thinking Christmas?
REP: Oh that's it!

DOUBLE WHOOPS...

DISPATCHER #1 I need to either leave a message for a tech or give a customer his number.
DISPATCHER #2: We don't do that.
DISPATCHER #1 This one is a little different...
DISPATCHER #2: How so?
DISPATCHER #1 Well, lets just say James left something at the customer's house.
DISPATCHER #2: I can page him and tell him.
DISPATCHER #1 I'm not sure letting him know he got a customer pregnant over the walkie is a good idea.

THE CONVERSATION OF THE MONTH:

CUST: My TV isn't working again.
REP: OK I can get you -
CUST: ::Interrupts:: I've done everything the automated system said and it's still not working. I'm not sure if you can help me. My house is haunted and the ghosts like to mess with my digital box.
REP: Hold on ma'am, I'll get you over to Ghost Busters. ::transfers her to customer service ::
:: Oddly enough, she didn't complain about me. Sadly enough, she thought I was serious. ::

RJ-45