Customer Support Best of August 2007

CUSTOMER SUPPORT BEST OF AUGUST 2007

WARNING: The following newsletter may contain profane language. If you are offended by such language, don't read this. Delete it!

    Welcome to the August 2007 edition of everybody's favorite Customer Support Best Of newsletter!

 This newsletter basically highlights the best (best meaning worst) situation that we experienced while doing Customer Service. It is open to any call center, website, company, job, etc that involves you and a customer (whether internal or external) So if you got a buddy who does customer service somewhere else, that person's submissions are always welcome.

    Also, I hate to be picky on this one (I really do, you know me), but please send your submissions through email and not orally (HEY NOW!). I barely remember my calls let alone someone else's. Submitting by email is more of guarantee that it will be included. I set them aside in a folder and go through them all. My brain...not so much.

    Just as a reminder, the newsletter censors customers information, and does not supply any potential privacy invasive information. I am basically doing my best to avoid breaking the ethical rules in which we are all bound by. Hey, the materials provided in and of themselves are pretty damn hilarious.

Here was the best of August:

SITUATIONS, NOTES, & TICKETS

    These are notes submitted by "technicians" on accounts, or calls we received from other "technicians." You know, where things are "spelling optional," "thought process" optional, and/or, just overall stupid.

Your Parents Aren't the Worst Parents in the World Because...

Tech came to house for install.There was a little girt about 2 years old coming to the window. Can't get anyone to come to the door other than 2 yr old

BLUFFING 101

Customer admitted to cancelling the phone service on the 31st due to it not working. Yet, she didn't expect us to actually cancel her phone. She called confused as to why her phone was not working. Explained that the cancel went through and customer will need new phone order. Said she will call tomorrow for new order.

Getting down to dollars and cents...

Customer said tech, contractor, had accidently broken Air Coniditioning unit while installing phone on 08/03/07. Then said that the tech replaced the AC unit with one he bought himself, but the unit he replaced was only 5000 btu. Cust said the broken Air Conditioner was 8000 btu. She said the unit tech bought cost $125. The one she had was $150. She then said it will cost her $89 for installation fee and $59 for Lowes to pick up the unit.

How to be a Crazy Bitch 101

Offered repeatedly to assist customer in getting phone order set up, she wanted owner's number, unable to issue that to her, wants her order to go through today, informed her could not, but i could start working on another one. Customer said i was "unhelpful." She is very irate. Had the impression that because i offered to help her that i was "arguing" with her. I turned over to lead RTG. Whenever I offered to work on not having the order rejected she wanted to know what that involved and said it would mean she'd be on hold again, and that it probably wouldn't work anyway

Paranoia paranoia paranoia everybody is coming to get me!

This customer has called back serval times today just yelling and ranting and won't listen to anything that a rep might have to say. He is having intermitten service. I have offered to get him to tech support and the customer just yells and goes on some more. Is is claiming that we are turning his service on and off just to mess with him.

AHHH!!!!

Sub is calling in to complain because she received a $500 bill from her previous carrier (!). Advised we aren't responsible for other company's bills.

Dumb Criminal of the Newsletter

Lady came in and said that they are not paying the past due amount on their account and she just wanted to get it connected under a different name. Told her I would not do that. She left.

SITUATION OF THE MONTH

Customer informed local office and tech support regarding site with naked underaged boys. Customer wanted account noted that she was only looking for "mulatto men" and not little boys.

THE TWO PARTER

First... the notes:

Maintenance man at complex came out and ripped out all of the tech's work.  Started chasing tech.  Tech called police.

Now... the confession

TECH: I might have lied a bit on the customer chasing me out onto the lawn. Is there anyway we can get this customer connected today?
REP: No, we cancelled their install to protect our technicians from harm.
TECH: OH MAN! I really screwed up.
REP: Yes... yes you did.

THE CONVERSATIONS

RED = MUTE COMMENTS

SMART ASS 101

It is like eating in the private kitchen of a delightful Italian stereotype!

TECH: Yeah I can't get to the Olive Garden.
REP: ... well I suppose I could google map that for you
TECH: what? I need to register a modem
REP: oh you mean the WALLED garden
TECH: Yeah, that thing!

Hold me...

CUST: My phone doesn't work, there aren't even phone lights on!
REP: OK, your phone just isn't registered to your account. *Registers* All right, that modem will reset and come up with dial tone!
CUST: No it won't.
REP: I'm sorry?
CUST: You didn't do anything!
REP: *Thinking her reset just didn't work* Are the phone lights on?
CUST: Yes.
REP: OK I'm not understanding the problem.
CUST: You were too fast! I know you didn't do anything!
REP: ... excuse me? The... the modem shut off right? It came back up with phone lights?
CUST: YES!
REP: I don't understand how you think I didn't do anything then.
CUST: I didn't wait on hold 35 minutes for you to press a button and make it work!
REP: Uh. Yes. You did. I'm sorry, I'm not really sure how to fix this for you. Would you mind checking to make sure you have dial tone?
CUST: *Picks up phone*
REP: *Hears dial tone*
CUST: I have tone.
REP: Great!
CUST: You are an over paid, lazy, bitch. *click*
REP: .... I think I just got yelled at for being too fast at my job.

THE CONVERSATION OF THE MONTH:

RJ-45