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(Warning: Vote for RJ45 for President in the Year 2020!)

"Suicide, I've already died. It's just the funeral I've been waiting for. Cyanide, feeling death inside. Break this empty shell forevermore!" - "Cyanide" by Metallica

Welcome to the five hundred eighty-ninth edition of the column that started it all here on WYLFWT.com... Would You Like Fries With That?

So ladies and gentlemen, that leaves me with just one question... ARE YOU READY? No, I said ARE YOU READY?

Then, for the thousands reading this today, and for the millions reading this in the future, LLLEETS GET READY TO STUMMMBBLLEE!!!

This month, I have a lot of material here that I have written over the past month that I have saved up, so it should be good.

So, without further ado, let's go with this month's random jokes/puns/rants/musings/etc...

Republican VP Candidate Sarah Palin - So word is that her husband is the president of BP. It is Cheney all over again, only much better looking and without the Dick.

Sex & Relationship Etiquette - Okay, after one of my female friend's boyfriend/love interest who is a "v" (that's virgin, not vegan... don't worry) pulled some crazy random shit that made the people who knew the situation go "WHAT THE FUCK?!", I have some new rules:

1. You're a guy. You do not have a cherry. So quit referring to your virginity as your cherry.
2. Don't schedule sex.
3. Don't be such a pushy douchebag.
4. Do not send a picture of your penis via cell phone unless prompted.

Craigslist - My favorite part of Craigslist is the section called "Misc Romance." It always gets me to thinking, just how "miscellaneous" are we talking here?

Body Modifications - With things such as people getting their tongue slitted like a snake, people carving their skin, and even people who are getting their ears modified to look like Spock's... its pretty sad when a guy covered in tattoos is starting to
be considered normal.

Pirates & Ninjas: Hey... what does a pirate ninja say when doing roundhouse kick? KEY-YAR!!!

The Year 2020 - So I've been thinking about announcing my candidacy to run for president in the year 2020, which is when I can legally run. What do you think?

MAMA MIA!: Was the world really begging for an ABBA revival?

DANCE RULES: I recently attended a wedding of my wife's neighbor when she was growing up. At the end of everything, I have made a couple rules for a wedding reception, and dancing in general:

And I think its pretty obvious where it goes from there.

GOD: The following people involved in hard rock and heavy metal music are God: Ozzy Osbourne, Ronnie James Dio, Tony Iommi, Eddie Van Halen, Zakk Wylde, Lemmy Kilmister, Rob Halford, Bruce Dickinson, Kirk Hammett, Les Claypool, and Scott Ian. The end.

So I got a Nintendo Wii just a couple weeks ago, and let me tell you... it kicks major major ass.

The one thing I noticed is that whenever you tell most people that you got a Wii, they pause and say "WELL CONGRATULATIONS! THAT'S AWESOME!" as if if my wife and I just got pregnant or won the lottery or something.

Another thing is, if you tell someone that is Anti-Nintendo and Pro-XBox that you have a Wii, they will flip the fuck out. One of my co-workers actually said "Well... uhh! I guess I can forgive you!"

Hey, quit being such a douche. It is my purchase of an electronic item. You don't live here! It doesn't matter! It is just a fucking video game! Its not like I just revealed to you that I was a Neo Nazi or even worse... a Republican!

The Virtual Console deal is also fun. My wife is relatively new to video games, which makes watching her play Super Mario Bros be a very very interesting experience.

Let's just say, if I am in the other room and I hear my wife scream "DAMMMIIITT!" ... that's the sound of my better half playing Super Mario Bros.

I really forgot how hard that game was to someone who has never played that many video games. I also feel bad when she watches me play the game and I just zoom through some of the levels. Really, I feel horrible.

There's quite a hilarious internal dialogue going on in my head when I watch her play the original Super Mario Bros.

This is Level 1-1:

"Come on dear, I faith in you, my love. You can do this. Okay, you've seen that Goomba several times. Just jump on it. ALRIGHT! Now, score that Mushroom. COOL! Now, just jump over these sets of pipes. SON OF A BITCH! You hit the goomba from the side... AGAIN. How many times?! So, now you are little Mario again. Okay, here is where the hidden 1 up one is. Oh yeah! She doesn't know that, I'll show her later. Plus how to score that and go down the pipe. Hey, that gets me to thinking, I wonder if we will have sex tonight. Okay, Fire Flower time... oh yeah, that's right, you got hit. Mushroom! SHIT! DAMMIT! NOT THE PIT AGAIN! Just let the mushroom go dear! LET IT GOOOO! Its a lost cause! DAMN IT ALL TO HELL! Down the pit again!"

- Guys who refer to Sudaam Hussein as "Good ole' Sudaam-ee"
- Idiots who still think Barack Obama is a Muslim Extremist
- People who worship U2's Bono
- People who can do a cover of Pearl Jam's "Jeremy" on the Xylophone.

I think I am going to explode on outta here! Till next month!

The painkiller! The innovator. The master mind. The albatross. Mister RJ45 himself. He is...

Richie "RJ45" Jackson!

P.S. Would You Like Fries With That?